Relatively Art House

by Nicholas Vroman

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I write on film. This is an ongoing collection of songs as film criticism - musical responses to movies, most pretty obscure and generally really bad.

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released July 15, 2012

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Nicholas Vroman 東京都, Japan

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Track Name: Big Bloody Stool (Strawberry Girl)
There’s a big bloody stool
Livin’ on my balcony
There’s a big ol’ turd
Livin’ on the third floor

Don’t let him in, Strawberry Girl
Don’t let him in, whatever you do
He’ll dig out your eyes, Strawberry Girl
Yes, that’s what he’ll do

There’s a big bloody stool
Livin’ in the toilet bowl
A big red pile o’ poop
Lyin’ on the dining room floor

Stand still, Strawberry Girl
Don’t you move, Strawberry Girl
Or the stool will hear you
The stool will hear you
And pluck out your eyes
Track Name: Cap
Why did you fly to El Paso?
Because you can’t go by ship.
Why’d you throw your lot in with this crew?
‘Cause they were all I could get.

He came from Japan with dreams of dry land
In a white praire schooner that flew over the ocean
No sooner than he landed when he got upper-handed
And his dreams were put up on screen

Cap’s been livin’ a clichéd American dream
But it’s more of dream than most American’s seen

From the Cadillac Ranch to the Santa Monica Pier
It appears that our Captain’s been hijacked
In two Winnebagoes with family and crew in tow
It looks like he may never come back

He’s an old rock ‘n’ roller
A wheelchair-bound stoner
Who thinks that he’s doin’ his dream

Up on the hilltops of Monument Valley
The captain’s been left to fend for himself
John Ford would weep to see such a picture
Of a man abandoned for profit and greed

Why’d you fly to El Paso
Because I couldn’t walk
Why’d you let those guys speak for you
(Because I couldn’t talk)
Track Name: Dead by the End
Your mother’s to blame
for your fucked up life
Hit her in the face
Smash her in the pumpkin
Dynamite your brother or whoever comes along
Daddy’s dead and gone!

Two lonely assassins
sittin’ in a cycle shop
chewin’ up the scenery
down in Barney’s Beanery
Along came another bad motherfucker
singin’ a motherfucker’s song

Just make sure they’re all dead by the end
Just make sure they’re gone.
Just make sure they’re all dead by the end
Maybe it’ll fix what’s gone wrong

The bad motherfucker
is motherfuckin’ bad
Why don’t you just cut him down,
that deus ex fuckin’ machina?
He doesn’t move the plotline and he’s really bad actor
Just write him out

My question is: Watanabe-san,*
how’d you get in this mess?
Was it for the money? Or were you bored?
What did you do this for?

There’s got to be a shootout,
a shootout in the woods
Bang bang
All fall down
Maybe in the sequel they’ll all come back to life
and shoot each other down again

Just make sure they’re all dead by the end
Just make sure they’re gone.
Just make sure they’re all dead by the end
Maybe it’ll fix what’s gone wrong.

* Makiko Watanabe
Track Name: Chick got the Dick
Who got the dick?
Chick got the dick
Who got the cunt?
Mr. Teacher do

She wanna teach the teacher
A thing or two
She wanna teach the teacher
One plus one equals two

She got herself a rod
He got himself a pussy
She thinks it’s kinda fun
He thinks it’s kinda wussy

Baby’s got a notebook
That tells her how to do it
A notebook full
of pictures and words
The words mean nothing
And the pictures are a bore
So what’s this notebook
Really for?

Who got the dick?
Chick got the dick
Who got the cunt?
Mr. Teacher do
Track Name: She Be There
When you reach your last stop
She be there
When come to the end of your rope
She be there

Before your final fall
Take off your shoes
Be prepared
For the next house you enter

When you’re feeling afraid
She be there
With a bottle of milk and some bread
She be there

The door’s always open to her dusty old shop
There’s not much on the shelves left to buy
But what little she has she will sell for a song
To any old traveler who happens along
She knows what they’re there for
She knows it and therefore
She shutters her heart

When you take your last leap
She be there
After you’ve become just a memory
She still will be there
Track Name: Got No Place To Go
Another Thanksgiving day
Out on the streets again
A day like any other
Except today, it’s rainin’
I give my thanks for any scrap of food
I give my thanks I’m still alive
Thanks to all them happy families
I give my thanks for my bein’

If I got one complaint
I’ll keep it to myself
If I go one complaint
I’ll keep it ‘til I’m gone
I got no place to go
I got no place to go
I got no place to go
In this world

Deep inside my head
The images are colliding
I got a world of trouble
Just making out your words
Hey mister what you tellin’ me
I see your lips are movin’
But everything you say
Is muffled by a curtain

If I got one complaint
I’ll tell it just it to you
Can you keep a secret?
Can I trust you?
I got no place to go
I got no place to go
I got no place to go
In this world

Another Thanksgiving day
At least that’s what they told me
I’d like to fall asleep
With someone holdin’ me
But I’ll keep movin’ on
Through the streets of this city
Looks like I’ll never rest
Looks like they won’t let me.

If I got one complaint
Is it really worth sayin’?
Do you really give a shit
About people like me?
I got no place to go
I got no place to go
I got no place to go
In this world