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Relatively Art House

by Nicholas Vroman

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1.
There’s a big bloody stool Livin’ on my balcony There’s a big ol’ turd Livin’ on the third floor Don’t let him in, Strawberry Girl Don’t let him in, whatever you do He’ll dig out your eyes, Strawberry Girl Yes, that’s what he’ll do There’s a big bloody stool Livin’ in the toilet bowl A big red pile o’ poop Lyin’ on the dining room floor Stand still, Strawberry Girl Don’t you move, Strawberry Girl Or the stool will hear you The stool will hear you And pluck out your eyes
2.
Cap 03:24
Why did you fly to El Paso? Because you can’t go by ship. Why’d you throw your lot in with this crew? ‘Cause they were all I could get. He came from Japan with dreams of dry land In a white praire schooner that flew over the ocean No sooner than he landed when he got upper-handed And his dreams were put up on screen Cap’s been livin’ a clichéd American dream But it’s more of dream than most American’s seen From the Cadillac Ranch to the Santa Monica Pier It appears that our Captain’s been hijacked In two Winnebagoes with family and crew in tow It looks like he may never come back He’s an old rock ‘n’ roller A wheelchair-bound stoner Who thinks that he’s doin’ his dream Up on the hilltops of Monument Valley The captain’s been left to fend for himself John Ford would weep to see such a picture Of a man abandoned for profit and greed Why’d you fly to El Paso Because I couldn’t walk Why’d you let those guys speak for you (Because I couldn’t talk)
3.
Your mother’s to blame for your fucked up life Hit her in the face Smash her in the pumpkin Dynamite your brother or whoever comes along Daddy’s dead and gone! Two lonely assassins sittin’ in a cycle shop chewin’ up the scenery down in Barney’s Beanery Along came another bad motherfucker singin’ a motherfucker’s song Just make sure they’re all dead by the end Just make sure they’re gone. Just make sure they’re all dead by the end Maybe it’ll fix what’s gone wrong The bad motherfucker is motherfuckin’ bad Why don’t you just cut him down, that deus ex fuckin’ machina? He doesn’t move the plotline and he’s really bad actor Just write him out My question is: Watanabe-san,* how’d you get in this mess? Was it for the money? Or were you bored? What did you do this for? There’s got to be a shootout, a shootout in the woods Bang bang All fall down Maybe in the sequel they’ll all come back to life and shoot each other down again Just make sure they’re all dead by the end Just make sure they’re gone. Just make sure they’re all dead by the end Maybe it’ll fix what’s gone wrong. * Makiko Watanabe
4.
Who got the dick? Chick got the dick Who got the cunt? Mr. Teacher do She wanna teach the teacher A thing or two She wanna teach the teacher One plus one equals two She got herself a rod He got himself a pussy She thinks it’s kinda fun He thinks it’s kinda wussy Baby’s got a notebook That tells her how to do it A notebook full of pictures and words The words mean nothing And the pictures are a bore So what’s this notebook Really for? Who got the dick? Chick got the dick Who got the cunt? Mr. Teacher do
5.
She Be There 03:34
When you reach your last stop She be there When come to the end of your rope She be there Before your final fall Take off your shoes Be prepared For the next house you enter When you’re feeling afraid She be there With a bottle of milk and some bread She be there The door’s always open to her dusty old shop There’s not much on the shelves left to buy But what little she has she will sell for a song To any old traveler who happens along She knows what they’re there for She knows it and therefore She shutters her heart When you take your last leap She be there After you’ve become just a memory She still will be there
6.
Another Thanksgiving day Out on the streets again A day like any other Except today, it’s rainin’ I give my thanks for any scrap of food I give my thanks I’m still alive Thanks to all them happy families I give my thanks for my bein’ If I got one complaint I’ll keep it to myself If I go one complaint I’ll keep it ‘til I’m gone I got no place to go I got no place to go I got no place to go In this world Deep inside my head The images are colliding I got a world of trouble Just making out your words Hey mister what you tellin’ me I see your lips are movin’ But everything you say Is muffled by a curtain If I got one complaint I’ll tell it just it to you Can you keep a secret? Can I trust you? I got no place to go I got no place to go I got no place to go In this world Another Thanksgiving day At least that’s what they told me I’d like to fall asleep With someone holdin’ me But I’ll keep movin’ on Through the streets of this city Looks like I’ll never rest Looks like they won’t let me. If I got one complaint Is it really worth sayin’? Do you really give a shit About people like me? I got no place to go I got no place to go I got no place to go In this world

about

I write on film. This is an ongoing collection of songs as film criticism - musical responses to movies, most pretty obscure and generally really bad.

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released July 15, 2012

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Nicholas Vroman 東京都, Japan

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